VIDEO: Out at Work Adventures

Hi everyone!

It’s a new Femme on a Mission vlog, in which I discuss coming out at work. Check it out!


What are your out at work stories? I want to hear the best and the worst!

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Categories: The Archives, Video

10 Comments on “VIDEO: Out at Work Adventures”

  1. August 25, 2011 at 4:45 pm #

    Good for you Julia! You shouldn’t have to hind you who are, especially when other co-workers are talking about their own personal lives :)

    Thanks again for all of your awesome comments on my blog!!


    • August 27, 2011 at 7:05 pm #

      I know, right? It’s so frustrating because, to a lot of people, when straight people talk about their personal lives, it’s small talk and conversation. When a gay person does it, it’s flaunting. So dumb/frustrating/hypocritical

      Thanks for your support :)

  2. andryfemme
    August 25, 2011 at 6:51 pm #

    Congrats! I am so, so hesitant to come out in work situations, especially in a city/state where it’s not technically against the law to get fired for it. It’s a difficult thing to negotiate. After pride weekend this year, some coworkers were talking about how they “weren’t against being gay,” but that they “didn’t get why gay people had to be so vocal about it.” I tried to explain it just shy of actually coming out (even though I really wanted to). Eventually, I just shut down and left the break room. I was angry at myself and at them, but I was also terrified. Not a fun impasse.

    • August 27, 2011 at 7:09 pm #

      Aw, I’m so sorry. That sounds really difficult and hurtful. Don’t beat yourself up about it; doesn’t sound like that would have been an ideal time to come out anyway.

      And as regards the fact that it’s not against the law to fire gay people for being gay in so many states, isn’t that fucked?? My parents didn’t believe me when I told them. They are super conservative, but they stay informed, watch the news every night (granted, it’s Fox News, but still) and they thought there was already protection based on sexuality. Just goes to show how much ignorance there is out there, even among educated, politically aware people.

      Sometimes I just wish I could sit everyone in America down and be like, “Look. This is me. This is my partner. We’re human. These are all the rights we don’t have in this country. Can we just fix that and move on now??? Please and thank you.”

      • andryfemme
        August 27, 2011 at 10:46 pm #

        Yeah, the risk of being fired is my main fear with coming out in work situations. How people respond to me on a personal level is something I can deal with (as long as we’re not talking violence), but getting fired… that is something else entirely. I can’t even imagine how angry I would be if some one used a part of my identity against me in a power play like that. It’s horrifying really.

        But it helps to hear positive stories! Some states are beginning to move forward!

        • August 30, 2011 at 12:40 am #

          Like you, andryfemme, I live in a state where it’s legal to fire someone over sexual orientation, and for that reason, I am also not out at work. I actually live in the town adjacent to where my work is because I have such a “sensitive” job in a small town that I wanted to be able to be out and about and comfortable with my girlfriend without having to worry about running into a co-worker. Maybe one day it will change, but for now, I’m fighting the fight, just quietly because I got to get paid!

  3. August 26, 2011 at 1:39 am #

    I’m happy to hear about your coming out at work experience.

    As for me I’ve never been one to hide who I am. Since 16 I’ve been out to everyone and anyone I know/meet. I’m also a very affectionate person. With previous girlfriends and Jess I’m not afraid to hold hands or kiss in public places. Not that I make a big deal about ti to show everyone I’m a lesbian. I just want to be myself.

    Plus I don’t know about you but being femme I’m always getting hit on at clubs & college parties. Being as gorgeous as you are I’m sure you must. I don’t like to make excuses why I’m turning a guy down. I just like to be upfront with who I am.

    Thanks again for sharing…………………….Kara XOXOXOXO

    • August 27, 2011 at 7:13 pm #

      Aw, you called me gorgeous! I’m blushing ;)

      I’m jealous of your confidence. I think I spent so much of my life trying to please everyone around me that it has sort of held me back in just being completely out and proud wherever I go. I like to test the waters. And if I think it’s going to be rough, I like to let people get to know me first, like me, and then surprise them with my gayness. That way I may be able to change their minds about gay people, like “I like her, and she’s gay. So maybe gay people are okay.”

      I worry that there are some people who wouldn’t even try to get to know me if they found out I was gay in the first conversation. Maybe I shouldn’t care about those people, but, I don’t know, I have a hard time not caring. I’m working on it :)

      • August 28, 2011 at 2:34 am #

        Also I just want to clarify that this is in work situations. Day-to-day I am out within the first few sentences, because if someone doesn’t like me bc I’m gay, then they don’t get to be my friend. And believe me, that’s their loss ;)

        But when I am in a professional environment where I know I will have to be interacting with these people on a daily basis, I tend to be more cautious.

  4. December 7, 2011 at 10:45 am #

    I totally agree with you. It is a very difficult decision, that is further complicated by nature of your job. I wrote a blog about my own experience about having a need for a closet anymore. It seems like the more people pressure you that you feel like you may have to “come out.” But there is a need. I am a teacher, have been for the last 10+ years and I can honestly say that I’ve only told maybe 5 people total. If you are interested here’s the link: . I think that besides coming out to your parents, this is the second most important decision we will make.

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