I am a femme on a mission.
When I was first coming out and realizing that I was a lesbian, I didn’t know a single gay woman who looked like me. I didn’t even know they could exist! In an attempt to fit the lesbian mold I thought was required of me, I chopped my hair short, dressed masculinely, and adopted a ridiculously transparent attempt at swagger that didn’t fool anyone. I wanted to be strong, tough, and unflappable, and I didn’t think I could while wearing lipstick and high heels. In my efforts to match the stereotypes I thought I had to fulfill, I lost myself.
Years later, I am now an out, proud, self-identified femme lesbian. I wear make-up nearly every day, dress femininely, and I’m still as gay as ever.
The goal of this website is to increase femme visibility and foster discussion of the many diverse shapes, sizes, and forms that lesbians can take. Beyond this, I also hope to fight back against the current of media and misogyny that traps women into believing that femininity is weakness, when in fact it can be a source of great strength.
I will be discussing my personal experiences as a femme lesbian, but please know that all are welcome here! I am committed to creating a safe space for people of all identities, ages, and backgrounds. The more voices that join the conversation, the better!
To learn more about me and the mission of the site, check out the About page.
Alright everyone – I’ve got my high heels on. Are you ready? Let’s go change the world!
femme on a mission 
Hi Julie! Love the idea behind your blog, can’t wait to start engaging in it and with it! Your struggle to fit and find your own lesbian mold totally resonates with me. When I first came out…which was a very very slow process of who, what, and how to be…I remember a friend saying to me, “Really? But you just look like such a man’s kinda woman.” Referring to my feminine ways and likes, I was the type of a female that is/should/would be the ideal of a man…not a woman. And vice versa, because of my femme ways, a male (not a woman) counterpart is/should/would presumably be my ideal.
One thing that I still can’t grasp my head around 100% (and maybe I don’t need to) is that I am attracted to the more androgynous type of lesbian. Not the butch. But the androgynous female who, in many ways, embraces the more masculine role in the relationship. And I wonder if it is not an unconscious attempt to re-create the binary feminine/masculine dynamic typical of heterosexual relationships. Despite the fact that definitions of sex and gender continue to evolve, are the ROLES we embrace in romantic relationships more or less a reproduction of mom&dad, or feminine&masculine, binary? Forget the lipstick and heels, short hair and tough facade… I mean the roles each counterpart plays in homosexual relationships, and the framework under which those roles are defined and from which they are rooted.
Hi Karol! So glad you are enjoying it! I’m also attracted to androgyny – in fact I just wrote a post about it here: The Androgyny Appeal Let me know what you think!
Hey Julia! Your blog is so awesome! Also, I remember your painting above from high school, I always admired it every time I went into art class and saw it hanging on the wall :)
Hi Krysten! Wow, it’s been such a long time!
I’m so glad you like the blog! I’ve been checking out yours for awhile now, and really love it. Keep those outfit posts coming!! I love to see your style :)
Thank you so much! I am glad you like it! We definitely should catch up sometime soon ;)
I really really like your idea behind this blog. Again it definitely resonates. Not so much as I am super femme, more androgynous personally, but because it seems bizarre to have that kind of hostility towards women who don’t embody a ‘gay’ stereotype’. Is it some form of strange sexism that to be feminine is to be weak? Or like you say some latent hostility towards heterosexuality that some gay women may feel femmes are a reminder of? Either way it ain’t cool! I know that when I was in the early stages of coming out in my immaturity I felt a strange hostility toward stereo-typically butch lesbians. I felt that they were not representing the sexuality that I belonged to in a way that I could identify with. But as I got older I realized that we are all only representing ourselves not ‘team gay’ as a whole! And we are at liberty to situate ourselves anywhere on the gender spectrum we choose. So maybe people should feel less of a sense of ownership of queerness, where others can ‘misrepresent’ them and more of an acceptance of being one part of a multifaceted form of female desire.