Girl in a Gay Bar: Femme Fashion Edition

(This is part 2 of the Girl in a Gay Bar Series. To read part 1, the story of my first trip to a gay bar and my first girl-on-girl kiss, click here.)

What’s up?

Ready for some unsolicited fashion advice on what to wear out on your femme adventure to the lesbian bar? Here it comes!

Disclaimer: Don’t take this too seriously. Some of it is tongue-in-cheek, and all of it is entirely based on my own experiences and what works for me. Moral of the story: Wear whatever the fuck you want, you sexy fierce femme, you.

Alright, shall we begin? Working our way from the top down!


My advice: wear your hair up.

If you’re a girl like me who cares about what her hair looks like to the point of affliction, the best thing to do is to start with an up-do of your choosing.

The thing is, it’s probably going to get so hot in there with all those sexy ladies grinding on, around, and/or in you (no judgment) that you will end up throwing your hair up in the middle of the dance floor anyway.

May as well start with it off your face and neck in a style you had complete control over from the comfort of your bathroom mirror.


There are so many things you can do with grown-up face paint!

Here are  just a few options for a night on the town:

  1. Go bare. Obvs you don’t have to wear any make-up at all if it’s not your thing or you aren’t in the mood. Plus, this is probably a great gift you could give your skin, considering you are most likely about to drink a bunch of toxic – and delicious – things. Also if you get sweaty, it’s good for your skin to be able to breathe.
  2. Go bold. If there is anywhere to go big and bright with your make-up, it’s a gay bar. Try flashy colors! Make a rainbow on your eyelids! Follow Jessie J‘s example and put sequin studs all over your lips! (On second thought, don’t do that if you are looking for any action – those look like they could do some serious damage.)
  3. Go pin-up. This is my personal fave. Strong brows, winged eyeliner, red lips – yum!

Keep in mind that if you do wear make-up out, you may want to invest in some water-proof products. Nobody wants sweaty raccoon-eyes.

P.S. – Does it seem like perspiration is dictating basically everything I am suggesting? Because it is. See, I like to dance a lot when I go out. If you aren’t the dancing type and/or you are one of those people who never sweats, you are probably thinking, “Why is she always talking about sweat?” And my answer is you should dance more.


Pick silver! It catches more light and is more likely to get you spotted by that cute dyke in the corner.

Dangle earrings are nice and dress up your outfit, but beware of anything super long, as these have the tendency to get caught on the clothes and hair of the throng of hip-thrusting lesbians around you. Do you want to lose an earlobe? Didn’t think so.

Statement necklaces and bangles are fun! Never forget the value of a well-placed pendant to draw attention to your decolletage (if that’s your goal).

Would you guys think I was gross if I said "boob floss" right now?


So here’s the thing. Being a femme at a lesbian bar is tough. People often assume you’re the straight bff, like “Oh it’s so cute that you came out with your gay friends!”

This is a topic of a future Girl in a Gay Bar post, but I want to say here and now:

Wear whatever the fuck you want.

You heard me. Part of having a good time, especially when you are out at night, is feeling good in your skin. And if you don’t feel confident and sexy, you aren’t going to exude that. So if what makes you feel beautiful/strong/sexy is a lacy dress, and it turns out you’re the only girl in the room not in jeans, just own it. You look gorgeous.

When I go out to a bar for a drink, I tend to wear tight skirts and a dressy top. But if I’m going to be dancing, my outfit changes drastically. I like to be comfortable, so I usually go for black jeans and a tank-top. I snazz it up with some jewelry, but I keep the clothes very basic.

This is for two reasons:

1. Should anything be spilled amidst the drunken revelry, I won’t be heart broken. And:

2. Wash-and-wear, rather than dry-clean only, is convenient because these clothes will def be needing a washing.

In terms of colors, be wary of gray if you care about people seeing sweat stains when your dancing. Black and navy are the safest colors, but don’t let that keep you from wearing something bright!


Ah, the age-old question. Do we go comfortable or pretty?

I’d like to make a case for comfortable. Pretty shoes don’t need any defending – they’re like a siren song to a femme heart.

So here is why I tend to go for comfy: It’s too dark and crowded for anyone to see your feet anyway.

This is what we are dealing with, here.

I like to wear bright-colored sneakers because they are fun and just funky enough to keep up with the rest of my outfit. The best part – I won’t be limping the next day.

Pro Tip: Have the best of both worlds. If there is going to be any sort of pre-gaming situation involving photography, wear the pretty shoes for that portion of the evening. Then slip into something comfy before heading out to the bar.


So those were my tips on fashion for the gay bar… What are yours?

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7 Comments on “Girl in a Gay Bar: Femme Fashion Edition”

  1. August 3, 2011 at 3:55 pm #

    OMG this is the most comprehensive “what to wear to the gay bar” post ever. I totally agree with you about the hats, they look great but I get too hot to keep it on so there is no point. But I will ALWAYS go talk to girls in hats. They look adorbs and I can’t resist.

    I love my high heels, but I have found that sometimes my height (6′ in the right shoes) can be less attractive to the kind of bois I like. So tall ladies, think flats.

    Great post!

    • August 3, 2011 at 5:06 pm #

      Ha! I’m the same way with the hats… They are irresistible.

      Thanks for the tall lady tip! Unfortunately for me, I don’t ever have the too tall issue, so I didn’t even think to mention it.

      I’m a shrimp and if heels were comfortable then I would wear them all the time. Only advantage is that I’m often right at boob height ;)

  2. andryfemme
    August 6, 2011 at 11:59 am #

    I’m totally into the pin-up makeup, although I have trouble mastering the winged bit of the eyeliner.

    Also, unusual hair accessories are always a win. I once shared a moment with an adorable grocery store cashier girl thanks to a feather barrette I had made.

  3. Justa Notha
    August 7, 2011 at 5:06 pm #

    I like to wear little black dresses–although I often then feel overdressed. Either that or sparkly tank tops w/jeggings. I have worn my ballet flats out on the dance floor.

    As far as high heels go: most short bois I’ve talk to say they like them regardless of the height of the woman, but I find them uncomfortable for dancing!

  4. August 13, 2011 at 5:06 pm #

    I laughed reading your note about sweating–I love to dance too and always have to plan my clothes, hair and make-up around the inevitably that I will sweat it up while dancing it up. Glad to know I’m not alone in that!

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